


Used To Be...

by notjustmom



Series: Doodahs and Whatnots [7]
Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: Confessions, Established Sherlock Holmes/John Watson, John's away, M/M, bit of dialogue, mostly texts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-18
Updated: 2016-10-19
Packaged: 2018-08-23 07:28:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 1,236
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8319118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notjustmom/pseuds/notjustmom
Summary: definitely on the doodahish-side. Just watched Imitation Game for the second time, oy...feeling a bit angsty.





	1. Chapter 1

How much longer? - SH

Two days, I just left, love. - JW

Damn. Used to be I didn't notice when you left. - SH

Really? - JW

No. Not really. I always knew where you were. - SH

I just tried not to let you know I cared. - SH

Oh. - JW

A bit not good, right? - SH

No. It's okay. Used to be I pretended not to notice when - JW

When what? - SH

What?! - SH

When you, uhm, used to wear nothing but your robe. - JW

Or your sheet. - JW

You noticed? - SH

Course I did, how could I not? - JW

Oh. - SH

I didn't do it on purpose. - SH

Okay, maybe I did once or twice. - SH

Uh-huh. - JW

Oh allllright. A few times. Simply for - SH

Experimental purposes? - JW

Right. - SH

No. Not always. - SH

I know. - JW

Hurry home. - SH

I will. - JW

I love you. - SH

Doesn't count. - JW

Why on earth not? - SH

Have to say it to my face. - JW

Where is that written? - SH

First time can't be by text. - JW

Just not done. - JW

Fine. - SH

Love. - JW

Sherlock. - JW

Don't get into a strop. - JW

Honeybee. - JW

Not. - SH

Are too. - JW

Not. How can you tell? - SH

Just can. - JW

Still love you. - SH

Be back Thursday. Eat. Sleep. Don't blow up the flat. I love you too. - JW


	2. Chapter 2

You awake? - JW

No. I'm sleeping, just as you commanded. - SH

Of course I'm awake. - SH

What are you doing? - JW

Endeavouring not to blow up the kitchen. - SH

Sorry. I just worry. - JW

You know last time wasn't exactly my fault. - SH

No. I know. I still worry. - JW

Matter of fact, I'm on the couch, watching one of those ridiculous American shows, hoping it will put me to sleep. - SH

Is it working? - JW

No, I'm almost through Season 2, been binge watching since you left. - SH

I left at 4 yesterday morning. - JW

Yes. - SH

Zombies? - JW

Zombies. - SH


	3. Chapter 3

So how is Harry? - SH

Or shouldn't I ask? - SH

Got part way through Season 3. Had a nap. I think. - SH

We're out of tea. - SH

And biscuits. - SH

And jam. bread. milk. But we have bags and bags of peas. - SH

I hate it when you aren't here. - SH

Not because I'm bored. - SH

I miss you. - SH

It's the oddest sensation. I've never missed anyone else. - SH

Just you. - SH

I could meet your train, if you want. - SH

Of course, that would mean getting my arse off the couch and showering. - SH

And fussing with my bloody hair. - SH

And dressing. That 'purple' shirt you like is back from the cleaners. - SH

I get in @ midnight. - JW


	4. Chapter 4

Harry's fine. - JW

As fine as she normally is. - JW

I'll go to the shops tomorrow. - JW

After a lie-in? - JW

I miss you too. - JW

Didn't think I could get to a point - JW

when I could leave you, even for just a couple of days. - JW

I try not to think about - JW

when you were dead. - JW

But sometimes, I don't sleep just so I can watch you sleep, to make sure you are still breathing, still there. - JW

Bit not good, that. - JW

I don't mind it. - SH 

You know. - JW

Of course I do. - SH

You snuggle closer to me, then you tell me things you wouldn't if you thought I was awake. - SH

Sorry. - JW

Why are you sorry? I don't mind. - SH

I know how hard it is for you to talk about things. - SH

I shouldn't. - JW

It isn't fair on you. - JW

Fair? - SH

I let you think I was dead. For two years, John. And yet, you forgave me. - SH

You can say anything you want to me, hope you know that. - SH

I'm afraid. - JW

Of? - SH

Saying too much. The wrong thing. The thing that makes you leave me again. - JW

You don't know? - SH

Know? Know what? - JW

Nothing you could ever say or do would ever make me leave you again. Nothing. - SH

I love you. - JW

Boarding the train. See you soon. - JW


	5. Chapter 5

I'm at the station - SH

Two hours early. Couldn't take anymore zombies. - SH

You never do ask about that time. - SH

I think it's because you don't want to know why. - SH

You are afraid to ask. - SH

Because you know I'm essentially an honest person. - SH

You've always known that. I've never lied to you. - SH

Kept things from you, yes. But never lied. - SH

There's a difference, I believe. - SH

I did it to save you. - SH

Did you honestly think between my life and yours, I'd choose to save myself? - SH

Damn. Swore I'd never tell you. Unless you asked. - SH

I'm asking. - JW

No. - SH

Please. - JW

 

"Tell me."

"John? You weren't due until midnight."

"I caught an earlier train."

"Tell me, please."

"He left me no choice, jump or you, Lestrade and Mrs. Hudson would be killed."

"The scars. You got those because -"

"I was trying to finish what he started. I got sloppy. Not your fault."

"Of course it is."

 

Not your fault. - SH

NOT yours. Mine. Mine alone. - SH

I can't say this. Look at your phone. Please. Not at me. - SH

I left because I had no choice. I love you. I've always loved you. - SH

Look at me. - JW

No. - SH

Love. Look at me. - JW

Don't shake your head at me. Please? - JW

I always wanted to get a message to you. But I couldn't. Couldn't risk it. - SH

I understand. - JW

 

"Talk to me."

"I don't want to talk anymore. Except -"

"Except?"

"Iloveyou and I'm starving."

"Missed the first part."

"You heard me."

"Dumplings?"

"And those prawn things?"

"Of course."


	6. Chapter 6

Go to sleep. - SH

I will. - JW

I'm here. - SH

I know. - JW

Come here. - SH

 

"When I was gone, I dreamed of holding you like this. I could close my eyes and I'd be here, with you. You saved me. So many times. But when I opened my eyes again, you'd be gone, and I'd be alone again. Days were the worst, I couldn't see you, that's when I was caught, always in daylight. Somehow at night, I was safe."

"I know. On the nights I slept, I was always with you. But mornings, when I had to wake up without you were too hard, so I started working nights so I didn't have to sleep at night. I didn't have to watch you vanish when the sunlight hit the empty pillow next to me."

"I'll be here when you wake up."

"Do you believe me?"

"I do. Yes. I do. But, will you -"

"What?"

"hold onto me? I just need you around me, tonight."

"It would be my honour, love."

"Tell me a story?"

"You're the storyteller."

"Tell me a story, please?"

"Hmmm....a story. There was one day, I was somewhere - somewhere, Italy, I think, it was spring. It was so quiet, I was sitting on a hill, just sitting, and there was a slight breeze, and I saw flowers about to bloom, I could hear birds, and there were children laughing, I couldn't see them, but I could hear them. And suddenly, I knew, that day, I knew somehow I would get home to you. Sleep, love, sleep."

 

"You're still here."

"Uhmhmmm."

"Hungry?"

"Not really. Think you promised me a lie-in?"

"Yes. So I did."

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Billet-doux](https://archiveofourown.org/works/9715670) by [notjustmom](https://archiveofourown.org/users/notjustmom/pseuds/notjustmom)
  * [Five Things I Like About You...](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13201506) by [notjustmom](https://archiveofourown.org/users/notjustmom/pseuds/notjustmom)




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